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Wings of Faith by B.J. Holt

Give us, Lord,

A special faith,

Unlimited and free,

A faith that isn’t bound

By what we know

or what we see…

A faith that trusts

the sunshine

even when there is no light,

A faith that hears the morning song’s

soft echo in the night…

A faith that somehow rises

past unhappiness or pain,

Knowing that in every loss

Your goodness will remain…

A faith that finds Your steadfast love

sufficient for all things,

A faith that lifts the heart above

ang gives the spirit wings…

Here I am sorting through it all, this massive undertaking and all of a sudden it hit me.  I had to stop, I had to take a hiatus in order to BE me to the fullest.  Seven full fast years of school (while working a full time job and a part-time job), four children (2 of whom are adults), five years practicing law in every area that I envisioned, six years in purpose (3 books, a CD, four tours, hundreds of proteges, hundreds of ”no coincidence” spiritual interactions with God only knows how many people, a non-profit organization-Chester Teens, Inc., speaking and seeking truth as an avocate for youth in three great national movements-Communities In Schools, The Metropolitan Wilmington Urban League and the YMCA) and the list goes on…

…So I’m literally sorting through it all; hundreds of pages (trainings attended, notes taken–and many of ya’ll know I take copious notes–workshops facilitated, keynotes written, stacks and stacks of Williams Enterprise Productions business records publishing documents and records, tour information, pictures, notebooks, books and books and more books (law school and college books, books selected for self-taught courses on everything from religious studies to African American studies to painting and drawing and non-profit management and…), etc. etc. etc.

Wow!  It’s enough to make anyone’s head spin; I was supposed to embark upon this massive task of sorting after a full day in purpose, standing in the gap for youth, shining the light of hope in a generation of struggling youth, fighting a seemingly losing battle of getting the right people in the right places to the the right thing for the right reason, teaching my children, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning, delagating other responsibilities as the manager of my home…(Wife, mother, employee, home manager, author, poet, artist…)

Stop!  Spiritual creature first.  Thank God for sending Joel to get my attention and to speak the truth. He was sent to tell me that I was running so fast I couldn’t hear the Voice of He who made me, understands me, loves me, cares for me, consoles me and thereby should guide me and direct my path.  My time was consumed with the agenda and expectations of others, many of whom didn’t share the same values that I aspire to and self propelled “thoughts” of what I should do and how I should do it.  I desperately needed a blank canvas, daily and moment by moment.

So on January 15th I was “free at last” (”thank God Almighty, I’m free at last”, by no coincidence on that day since I’m just realizing this significance as I write).  I am greatful for the fulness of meaning in life and for understanding the reason, the season, the plan and the purpose.   

So here I am having taken a leap of faith again, sorting through it all, hearing my Creator’s voice and sensing His call.  I’m listening for the little instructions like how to organize, prioritize, store and manage all of this data, these ideas and desires, this vision.  And that’s when it dawned on me.  But not for this hiatus, it would not be possible.  Hallelujah!  I thank Elohim for this time to BE free to hear exactly what to do at every given moment. That’s freedom and this journal entry is a testimony of this journey.  He stopped me in my tracks with loads of “stuff”  on my office floor, outside my office and in my basement that still needs to be sorted and organized in preparation for what I shall do.  

I pray that this will encourage and inspire many to stop, listen and heed the call to purpose.  For we were not designed for the rat race.  Your life has a purpose larger and greater than that. 

“Take Courage To BE that which you are called to BE”.~Marni~Mariposa  

And freedom writes:

“In the quiet place

His Spirit, His grace

Quiets my mind

Causes the canvas

Of my soul to erase

All strokes of self

All expectations others place

I await…

His Spirit shall replace

‘Far exceeding abundantly above all’

I could ever trace

And now flowing freely in his grace, in this place

He paints anew on my heart

And now eager to start

This New journey to embark”

Marni~Mariposa

I am no stranger to Del Tech as we so fondly refer to this important institution. I was connected to it for 5 years through Communities In Schools, the largest stay in school network in the nation.  I was blessed to usher many students through the halls of “college” to dispel the idea in their minds that they were not college material.  The On Track Program headed by a wonderful man named Louis Vangieri afforded high school students college credit while learning the nuts and bolts of transitioning to college.  It was at Del Tech where I was blessed to honor many CIS students at 3 annual banquets.  And it was at those banquets that I watched, through tear filled eyes, many proteges deliver speeches, songs and various presentations.  And it was at one of those banquets that I first presented a poem entitled, “To My Mentees With Love”.  I have fond memories of eathing lunch in the cafeteria with my students and friends (CIS family).  It was there that I met my buddy Gary James, one of the best gourmet chefs in town, and I mean that.  (Gary catered all of the CIS functions through Del Tech and manages two campus cafeteria systems).  Gary has been good to me in catering my launch of Mere Presence through, not one, but two blizzards (I declare he was calm as a cucumber and helped ease my anxiety) and hookin’ a sista up at the evening of Jazz function at my house.  It was at a writers conference at Del Tech (which, by the way was concelled due to a blizzard in February and rescheduled for April) that I delivered the poem Mercy to the audience where, by divine appointment the only man who could have produced my first CD sat hearing the music as I spoke the words.  His name is Raymond Purnell and the production of the CD was truly a great and amazing experience.  In the same atomosphere, I have delivered keynotes for the Start Now Initiative through a beautiful sister, Victoria Granison.  I’ll never forget receiving my first call from her.  I was at Epcot (Orlando, Florida) with my children, my mother, my sister and neices and the speaking engagement was just days after I returned home. I tell you, one thing does lead to another. 

Finally, on February 14, 2007, I will be honored to attend a planning meeting for the upcoming Strong Communities Conference, sponsored by the YMCA of the USA.  This is the culmination of many connections in a national movement after merely one year.  Jarrett, Mike and Jo are trailblazers in the movement having hosted a truly groundbreaking and moving “Urban Symposium” in Charlotte recently.  I will be posting a poem I wrote and presented at that conference in a later entry.  I was deeply moved and inspired by the thoughfulness, creativity, ingenuity and courage that went into the planning and delivery of the conference within the movement.

The theme is an appointment in time or the appointed time.  As God reveals more to me on this subject, I will share in greater detail.  We’ve said for quite some time that God’s timing is perfect.  The concept of the appointed time is a deeper level of understanding of this idea. 

The beauty of the appointed time is it requires a new level of freedom and a deep sense of calling and purpose.  And those things only convene concurrently at…the appointed time. 

I sense a season of a multiplicity of appointments in time.  This is the appointed time for greatness.   

Written on 1/23/07 about the experience of newness and outpouring on 1/23/07

New birth

Rebirth

New Life

Downpour

Outpouring

Within me

Physically

Holy

Touched me

Told me

BE

BE NEW

BE

BElieve

BE

BE & LIVE

Trust

Trust me

For I did not come to this place on my own

In my own strength,

By my own will

I ordained and appointed

This day for you

I knew you

Formed you

Called you forth

Allowed you to go through things so you could be used to do

What I called you to do

Now this day BE NEW

I told you I would pour out of my Spirit upon you

I told you I would cleanse you with a downpour

I told you I would make you new

New Humility

Knowing who, by who, for whom I be

Submission

Led there

Through intercession

Now I hear

Now I know

The commission

Father, allow me to use

Holy discretion

To carry out

Your mission

Increase my ability for compassion~

Energy at full flight (felt like 7 at 10, everyone around me spent~good night~ except my youngest girl, felt like 6 and my youngest son, the night owl, I guess since birth)

Spirit within me

Shining mightily

Beacon of light

For all the world to see

I been goin’ back in time

stopin’ on ole paths all mine

Reminisce like Mary say

Memories flashin’ through my head

I remember

Time to remember

Wealth of connectedness

Multiplicity of systems

Fly butterfly fly

Sing birdy sing

Go girl go

BE daughter BE

For now shall wisdom embrace

The Creator’s glory

Now you face

To reflect only his glorious light

All love and mercy

No hatred, no spite

Keep watch girl

Through the night

Then step into the light

Then step into the light

Been up all night

Validation

From the realm of this world

To be

What

I AM

Called me to BE